I want to share something with you that I didn’t really come to appreciate until just the last few years, and it has made ALL the difference in my social life. And it’s made me a more positive person and much less cynical and angry at the same time.
It’s going to sound pretty harsh when I first say this, but if you think about it for a second, and open up your mind to the possibility, you’re going to know what I’m saying is true.
It’s this: People play games with you.
Every day, and in very subtle ways.
Now, we all think of “playing games” as being a BAD thing. After all, guys feel like girls play games with them when it comes to romance. Women feel like guys are playing games with them.
And it all feels like some kind of mysterious conspiracy to keep us from being successful with the opposite sex, doesn’t it?
The fact is that playing social games is NORMAL.
Not only is this normal…
It’s absolutely NECESSARY.
If I were to just walk up to you on the street and say: “Hi, I’m George. I’m a man of my word, and I’m very trustable. I’d like to be a very close friend of yours, starting right now.” After you stopped looking at me like I’d just escaped from the local insane asylum, you’d probably say, “Yeah, whatever.” And then you’d walk away.
Well, if that’s not the way that we become good friends with another person, how DO we do it?
Well, we usually go through a process. This is called the “friendship” model of how we allow ourselves to get closer to someone. And it has 4 important steps;
STEP #1: Attention
This is where we get a person’s attention. For a guy, it might be going up and introducing himself to a girl. For a girl, it might be getting her friend to introduce her to a guy.
STEP #2: Connection
After you meet a new person, whether it’s for friendship or more, the next thing we need to do to create a friend is to find something in common. This is part of building a “connection.”
STEP #3: Commitment
This is the step where you get to take your connection to the next level. If you’re a guy trying to get a date with a woman, you’ll probably need to get some level of commitment from the woman, usually by getting her phone number so you can reconnect and move up to a date.
STEP #4: Action
Now that you’ve gotten them to commit to doing something with you, it’s time to make them take ACTION. Whether that’s to follow your plan – maybe a date, or just to show up, they have to DO something to make the connection real…
Now I’ve been talking about this concept in terms of creating a new girlfriend or boyfriend, but this is really applicable to ANY area of your life where you’re trying to create a “relationship” of some kind.
It could be a business relationship, between you and your boss…
It could be a romantic relationship between you and a lover…
It could be a sales relationship between you and possible client or customer…
Whatever the motive, we need to go through these steps to create something REAL between people.
If the games start to become negative, and we feel like we’re in over our heads, the only thing you can do sometimes is to grab on and hope that you can avoid getting “played” by these people. But very often, they are not people we can escape from. Sometimes we can’t get away from our boss, or we don’t want to throw our relationship with someone out the window just because we haven’t been able to figure out the game they’re playing and put an end to it.
I’m also here to tell you that these situations can be AVOIDED.
If you’d like to stop being “played” by the games people play – and learn how to take POSITIVE control so that you can start winning – without deception or manipulation, or sinking to their level – then you owe it to yourself to take a look at your Power Social Skills program.